My Top Secrets for Attracting the Right Person

(Sept 2010 Coach Line Newsletter Article)

This month I’ve decided to share with you my top secrets for unlocking my luscious self! I have been blessed over the years attracting fabulous men in my life. After my divorce my good fortune extended to two long term relationships with great men I still adore and love. I’ve also had the great fortune of meeting and dating fabulous men in between these relationships. Everywhere I go, I meet men!

Yes, we all have the keys to attracting and meeting the right person, so it’s time you flaunt what you’ve got! No! I don’t mean flaunt as in being ‘a floozies or cheap’, but flaunt as in being ‘top of the line’ or ‘over the top’ luscious or hunky’!

As you read through my secrets, you’ll notice some basic themes. Investing in ‘me’ has been a life-long process. By this I mean investing in my physical, spiritual, mental and emotional well-being is important. I have always known that my mind +body +spirit connection = happy and well-adjusted.

Keep work separate from play. Do not take your hard-edged, driven, “I’m #1” work attitude into the dating world. It won’t attract the people you really want in your life. Plus, a constant focus on work with little time for a social life puts a huge wall between you and meeting your future mate.

Smile and radiate happiness. I am not a drama queen. I’m not a wall-flower. I’m not a couch potato. I’m not a gold-digger. Nope! I am outgoing, happy, loving, and nurturing. I’m responsible and independent. I smile a lot. I’m positive and hopeful. I connect and engage with others.

Are you a workaholic? Do you lack a robust social life? If you work during what should be your play time, the answer is yes! Do you use work as an excuse to avoid intimacy? I lost a great relationship because I put work first instead of my honey. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Yes, work is demanding, but if you don’t take care of yourself and take time for your dating and relationship needs, you’ll be no good to anyone. I have learned to set boundaries between work and play.

I’ve always believed in the strong and powerful connection of mind and body. When my body feels good, it positively affects my thoughts and feelings. I find I’m more upbeat and hopeful. When my thoughts and feelings are down and negative, it’s hard to keep my exercise and physical health and stamina ‘up’. I have a daily focus on keeping both mind and body ‘in shape’. The way I do this is through affirmations, writing, working-out and connecting with people.

Part of my positive focus on mind and body is to ‘feel and look good’. Yes, I’m vane! I admit it. I know when I look at myself in the mirror and I like what I see, even my aging lines, cellulite and, drooping and sagging that comes with age! It’s all me! However, on the day’s when I look in the mirror and my brain says, “Uck” and I want to go back to bed, I know I’m in trouble!

Aging is good thing! Not all women or men are comfortable with their age. I know women who are afraid to be upfront with men about how old they are. I know men who have to preface what they say with “I know I look younger than my age” to somehow soften the reality of how old they are. Everywhere I go, I’m bombarded by people, products and services wanting to turn me into something I’m not or mask who I am. I find this pressure to try to appear younger annoying. I am who I am!

As many of you know, my younger brother passed away in May. When I think about the choice between having more birthdays or my time coming to an end – I choose more birthdays, lots of them to be precise! And if having more birthdays gives me more wrinkles and squishy spots on my body, then bring it on! I am proud of my age. Be proud of yours too and wear it with self-esteem, self-confidence, pride and joy! By the way, I’m 57!

I love clothes, but have never had a lot of money for expensive items. Over the years, I’ve learned how to dress with a flair that’s distinctly my style and reflects my personality. I dress for me and how it makes me feel. My clothes must elevate me. My clothes must reflect my personality. My clothes must not only fit, but accent me! Plus, I want my honey to look at me and say, “Oh! That’s hot!”

With cost in mind, my wardrobe is filled with my favorites from J.C. Penney, Kohl’s, Express, Wal-Mart, and Target and second-hand clothing shops. I shop for bargains and sales all year long. I buy clothes that I know will withstand more than one season of wear. I don’t hesitate to have a clothing item altered to fit me, no matter where I bought it. I make sure the clothes I wear fit me. For example, last summer I bought a black strapless dress for a really reasonable low price from Target for a THE Dating Café event and spent a few extra dollars to have it altered. It’s dynamite! I have my pants/jean altered almost always. Wear clothes that fit you. Wear clothes that enhance. Strong word of advice! Leave the baggy, frumpy, old worn out clothes for hanging around the house. You too guys! Wear shirts that flatter your hunky chest, not oversized styles. I found my unique style; find yours too and make sure it shouts out your personality. Wear only clothes that fit, accent your unique shape and body type. Decorate and adorn your body with clothes that make you happy.

I’m not a big fusser when it comes to my hair. Any style I wear must be quick and easy! I’ve always had straight hair and no matter what product I use, within minutes, my locks are straight like a pencil. In deciding to cut my shoulder length hair many years ago, I had to find a style that fit with me and my ‘rules’ for my ‘do’ – easy, sassy, sexy and classy look. I want ‘my honey’ to look at me with love and lust and so should you!

(Find a hair style that takes ten years off your life.)

b>When I started working an 8 to 5 job during my summer vacations in college, I started an exercise regime every day after work to burn off the stress of a daily corporate experience and carpooling with my Dad and his co-workers. I started a personal workout revolution. For the past 30+ years, I’ve kept my promise and used this time after work to exercise and take care of me. It’s been my transition time from work to home time, something everyone needs, but also a way to stay healthy and happy.

Over the years, I’ve expanded my exercise regime to include running, walking long distances, hiking, bicycling, swimming, working out at the gym and yoga. Even when I’m in a crummy mood and don’t want to change into workout clothes, I still get up and go because I know when I’m finished with the exercise, I’ll feel so much better (back to that mind/body connection!). I like that feeling that I get from a great workout. I want ‘my honey’ to appreciate my body and how hard I work at keeping it healthy and shapely at my age. I want him to look at me with pride and want to ravish me! Don’t you?

Are you an interesting person? Can you talk intelligently about current events or local happenings? Do you read–magazines, newspapers, books, trade journals – you name it, to keep your mind working sharp. I do and I like puzzles. I just finished a book by Tony Hillerman and Janet Evonavich, two of my favorite authors. I want ‘my honey’ to find me an interesting person to talk to and bounce things off of. I want him to feel good about our conversations and exchanges. Who is your favorite author?

I work at expanding my horizons.

I’m the kind of person who needs to feel a sense of belonging, being needed and a spiritual connection. It makes me feel grounded and rooted. Although not religious, I attend and participate most weeks in congregational meetings on Sunday morning, which feeds my need for a sense of belonging and need for continued learning and exploring of new thoughts. It’s widened the group of people I know, who know me, and will look out after me! This is especially important to me since being single can be very lonesome and it’s too easy to fade into the woodwork. I want ‘my honey’ to respect my desire to be with other people with whom I can learn and grow.

Find a group and path that looks out after you!

I love the taste of food, especially crunchy and salty things. Appetizers at the restaurant are a temptation I can’t avoid. I can easily hog the chips and salsa. I could consume a bag of Chili Fritos in a sitting! Put a basket of fresh sour dough bread in front of me and you’ll see it disappear. I also love to cook! Italian recipes with pasta are my favorite. I discipline myself around what I eat and drink. My Rule #1: Moderation. Rule #2: Treat myself now and then to dessert. Rule #3: Savor and enjoy each bite.

However, as much as my taste buds love these tasty treats, time has taught me what foods to avoid and what foods fuel me. Eating ‘right’ for me includes small portions; lots of veggies and fruits with yummy protein and a special treat now and then! I feel so much better physically and mentally when I eat this way. I have learned my attitude is better and my mind is sharp when I eat right. Back to that mind + body connection! Sitting around a dinner table over food is important to me.

I make my food fun and enjoyable. I know it fuels my heart, mind and body.

Though an impulse decision, last year I got a puppy. A Shih Tzu! Buyer’s remorse doesn’t exist at pet stores so there was no turning back. As it turns out, it was one of the best decisions of my life. Yes, having a puppy has tied me down with more responsibility, but it has also given me more joy, laughter and personal connection with people than I’ve had in years.

I’m lucky! My puppy, Sweet Pea, is by all measure, totally adorable. She instantaneously and immediately jumps into the heart of strangers. She instigates conversations out of the middle of nowhere with people I’ve never seen or met – dog lovers or not! I’ve met more people since I brought her home than I’ve met in the last decade. I want ‘my honey’ to appreciate the joy of having an animal in our life.

I acknowledge pets are not for everyone. But consider this. My dog has brought out an even softer and more compassionate side of me. Dogs help you show your sense of giving, generosity and friendliness that can easily be seen by someone looking to meet just the right one!

Lastly, I have learned over the years to no let other people’s expectations haunt and terrorize me into submission or being someone I’m not. Be yourself! If you do not, then you are always at the mercy of what someone else thinks about or wants from you. You’re chained and doomed to fear and misery. Break out! Go for it! Find your bliss! Find your path.

I am who I am. I know that some people like me and some do not. It’s OK! Take your brakes off and jump into life with gusto! Choose to be all that you want to be.

I want ‘my honey’ to take my hand and partner with me in our life together!